My HCG (also known as “the pregnancy hormone”) came back at 270! That is an extremely strong, healthy number. They were looking for something over 100, mine was almost three times that! Caitlin said that she’d hedge her bets on twins (as many of you would as well, even long before this test). We won’t know for sure until another 2 weeks when we have an ultrasound. As a reminder, only about half of IVF women who start with twins end with twins. For now, we are just THRILLED that we have a good, solid for sure kind of pregnant.
We’re gonna have a baby!
To that point, Caitlin also assured us that we are out of our own historic kind of “danger zone”. Meaning, my numbers are so high and strong that they are not at all worried about me losing this pregnancy. Yah!!! Again, she warned gently, “anything can happen” but that now I’m just like all the other “normal” pregnant women out there with the normal chance of miscarriage. All in all, I should carry on as if this is going to be a happy, healthy pregnancy and that we are going to have a baby. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!
How I Feel
The level of exhale in my body is intense. I woke up this morning not feeling well at all but uncertain as to whether that was because of how nervous I and how much I had been “holding” or just from possibly being pregnant. Now that I feel like a 100pounds has been lifted of my chest, I know at least half of it was nerves.
I have waves of elation to disbelief (even though my body is already feeling lots more symptoms even than 2 days ago. I can’t see it in there and I’m obviously not “showing” and so part of me is like, Am I really pregnant? Is an embryo really growing in there? Sho’ nuff’, I am and it is! Maybe even two! Holy cow!!!!
We got the news from Caitlin about 1:30pm. Gina and I were together (and Caitlin made sure of that, very sweet). When we heard my blood levels were at 270 we burst into tears and laughter and joy.Caitlin started crying a long with us. I could just cry now, feeling it all over again. It’s not because of my hormones!It was truly one of the most amazing moments of my life.
What We Did After
After we got our new medical protocol from Caitlin (I still have to take those damn progesterone shots for another 2 weeks- but really, who cares?! I’m preggers!), we called our our moms and immediate family and the like-the joy was overwhelming. After all that, Gina had to leave for work. I was alone to be with this juicy goodness. So, I took a shower. Not sure why… I just needed to be naked and wet and clean and warm. I stood under the water in utter joy, looking down at my relatively flat (though semi-bloated) belly and thought to myself that in a matter of months, it will grow and by Fall, it will be big and round and my shower experience will be totally different! It’s wild the things I have been thinking about already just since finding out such solid good news.
My Gift to Me
I saw my client and by some stroke of magic, had myself really grounded. My colleague did a bit of body work on me just before hand, I’m sure that helped. After a breakthrough session for the client (how could it not be with all this amazing energy here!), I went to New Seasons to pick up a bit of food for dinner. Now that I’m totally repulsed by meat (at least I have been the last 2 days), we needed some different high protein healthy foods in the house. On the way to the check out stand I passed the book aisle.
For years, I have passed this book aisle and stopped, squatted and thumbed through the pregnancy books. Always dreaming of the day that I’d be here for my own pregnancy (not a chemical pregnancy or for a gift for a friend, but for me- for reals). So there I stood. Staring at those books. My day has arrived. And while it’s clearly very early, I have absolutely no doubt I’ll be popping out a baby by the end of the year. And so, without making myself long for even one more day, I picked up two books and put them in my basket. A gift to me. A little offering of pleasure for having done all we did and making it here.
I have so much more to say about all of your love and the gratitude I have for you all, our community. And even more to say on the vulnerability that I already feel in being pregnant. But I’ll leave that for another blog post. For now, I’m callin’ it a day.
Friday, March 25: Blood work for HCG testing
They are looking for my numbers to roughly double by then (Caitlin said she’d hope to see them around 500). If that happens and all looks well they’ll schedule an ultrasound for about 2 weeks from then. And another ultrasound 2 weeks after that.
And then? I’m released from the “reproductive specialists” and I’m thrown out into the world of all the other normal pregnant women out there. No fuss, no special treatment. I can hardly wait.
Next to the day I married Gina, I have never had a happier day in all my life. Thank you ALL for sharing in it with us- being just as just as anxious in the days leading up to this amazing result and now just as excited for us. It’s just been incredible.
Love, love, love.
regina + gina